Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize