anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
