you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
