Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize