I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Randomize
