Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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