Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
