Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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