Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
