Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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