Fuck appropriateness.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
