Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
