I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
