fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
