why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Randomize
