Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
