apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
