Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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