erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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