Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
