you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
