What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
