his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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