Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize