It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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