I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
