I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
