You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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