Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
i now understand why vodka
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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