i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
