I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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