his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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