Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
