her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
