A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
