so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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