I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
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