If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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