never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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