How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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