Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
