Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
