Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
