Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
