Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
