That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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