He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
