I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
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