Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I am mentally ready for anal.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
