you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
