she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
