i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
sex in a hospital.. check
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
