Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize