Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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