Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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