I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
