somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
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