Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
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