He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
