Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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