i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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