your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
