I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
