Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
