why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
