Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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