I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
