He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
