she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
