im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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