btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
