if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
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