ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
