Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
He shit in the fireplace
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
