he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
