He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
