i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
