A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
