Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
