Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
