I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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