pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
