Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
