I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
