Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize