I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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